Why We Don't Exchange Valentine's Day Gifts


My husband and I don't give each other Valentine's Day gifts. WAIT—before you make a quick judgment, let me explain... We don't hate the holiday, we're not making a point, and we're not just trying to save money. We actually rarely exchange any gifts for ANY occasion, to be honest, and that's not because we're cold or heartless—it's because we know each other well and have discovered the best ways we each prefer to receive love.

Ever heard of The 5 Love Languages? It's a book by Gary Chapman that breaks down five different ways that people feel and express love: words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch. Sure, there are lots of resources out there on the topic of love, but this is a simple, straightforward tool that has given strength to our relationship.

Over the years, we've taken the survey a few different times to see where our preferences rank. For both of us, our profiles have always revealed that "receiving gifts" holds the absolute least of our interest—with zero points for either of us! Learning that both of us ranked much higher in areas like words of affirmation and quality time, it has allowed us to rest easy and bypass the obligation of gift-giving. Instead, encouraging words or shared experiences make us swoon over each other.

Now, don't get me wrong, on the special occasion that my husband will surprise me with a little gift of some kind, it does make me feel extra appreciated and loved, knowing that he thought of me, BUT, it's not my primary emotional communication preference. What I am saying is that knowing your partner's primary love language will help you connect with them with intimacy and fulfillment like never before.

Do you know how your partner prefers to be loved? Do you know how you prefer to be loved? Chances are good that the ways you naturally try to show your love are the ways that you also like to receive it. But if your partner has different preferences than you, it's time you start speaking their language.

I highly encourage you to check out this 5 Love Languages survey. It only takes about 10-15 minutes to complete, and it just may change your life. Parents, this can even apply to relationships with kids! Click through to take the survey, whether single or married, for yourself or for your kids.